To greener wordpress pastures

Ok, I got annoyed at my own blog's layout. It's practically unreadable being so squished, so I'm making the move to wordpress. http://duck3y.wordpress.com/

Make the move to a land of readability and un-squashed letters! No new post today due to the news, I'm sure you are all terribly crushed and dissapointed, and that your entire day is now ruined. I apologize, but my mind has been on the theological discussion i am having with Blacklock, which if you know us should explain everything. :)

Be Seeing You! (On Wordpress!)

Music - A Real Time Machine

This began as a single post but ended up as four, which I'll of course space out. Also, blogspot is annoying the crap out of me with its narrow space (Seriously guys, no one uses 800x600 anymore). I forsee a wordpress in my future. Until then, on to music!

For me, and for a lot of people, music has an incredible ability to bring back memories and thoughts, for me even moreso then photographs or videos. I will associate a piece of music (usually whatever I happen to be listening to at the time) with an event or chain of events, that music will come to define those events, to symbolize them and shape them. Pictures help me remember specifics - "Woah, you looked like that back then?" or even what events occurred. Music does something different that overall I think is more important - it brings back emotion. It brings back the way you felt at that time, good or bad, with astoundingly clarity, accuracy and intensity. It is nothing short of remarkable. Music has a strange power about it that truly transcends language.

I can give a couple of examples. Over the fall, Adam had a brief Simon and Garfunkel kick, and he often would play "Keep the Customer Satisfied" before he went to sleep. I think the happiest I've ever been was in those two weeks between thanksgiving and Christmas breaks. Whenever I hear that song, it makes me feel what I felt then - that profound sense of hope, of optimism, of potential, of realization that people actually *gasp* liked me! Whenever I hear that song, I think of that time. I feel that happiness I felt as I walked back to Baker in the chilly night air, having messed around on the WCC couches. I realized that for that one moment - that one, singular moment - that I felt truly content and hopeful. That was an extremely powerful emotion, and Simon and Garfunkel bring that right back.

The other key example that I have to highlight is older - my senior year of High School I went to Spain. It wasn't a good experience at all, despite the utmost efforts of the teacher I went with. I went because I wanted to get to know people; and in the end though I tried I ended up being more isolated then ever, only in a foreign country. That is not the point, the point is that my tiny $30 mp3 player only held a few songs besides the Galactica soundtracks, and having listened to the Galactica ones approximately 20000 times more then anyone should listen to anything, I played them that whole trip. Whenever I hear one of those songs, it brings a lot back. Not good feelings, horrible ones, stressful and anguished ones, feelings of a time of confusion and stress. But they come roaring back, with the same power that I felt on one particular night, which changed me in ways I will never begin to understand and have never been able to explain. That, however, is for another time!

The point is musics incredible power, and this is something that I suppose I took for granted. I assumed that others felt the same way - moments defined by music (the classic idea of two lovers having a special song that takes them back to one moment of bliss). However, it seems that some people don't quite experience this, so I am curious as to what anyone actually reading this experiences? Can you create a soundtrack spanning the past few months that will bring back your emotions? I've mapped out the past 10 months with at least 1-2 songs per month. I won't bore you with that list, but I am curious.

Thanks for putting up with this atrocious layout.....argh! In other news, my tire completely ripped itself apart on I-35, which was fun as i swerved through 4 lanes in rush hour as i lost control of my car. Thankfully, I made it to the side of the road without incident, and popped the spare on. Be Seeing you! (starting today, if you know where I'm getting "Be Seeing You" from, you win a fabulous prize!)

Space: Above and Beyond

I usually consider myself to be quite well-versed in recent science fiction shows (with the notable exception of farscape, which i still plan to watch). I was quite suprised when I recieved the DVD set of the series for my Birthday. How had I not heard of this wonderful series?

It's the year 2063, and humanity is alone in the universe. Colonies are being formed on other worlds, and everything is rebuilding after the AI war from a few years before. Then an unknown alien race destroys several colonies, and humanity faces an alien race that threatens to wipe them out. As the bulk of Earth's military forces are destroyed or wiped out, the unproven and undertrained 58th squadron of the US Marine Corps Space Aviator Corps as they slowly become veterans in a war that humanity is loosing.

What sets this show apart from the standard is its above-average characterization (although against shows like Galactica or Babylon 5 it pales by a large margin). These are real soldiers, real marines, with real personalities, real fears and problems. Its quite refreshing to see. I won't delve into all of the characters here, but the relationships between them and their personalties are better then in a lot of shows (I especially like Hawke's growth).

Besides, not everything is black and white. Did Aerotech know the aliens were there before they sent the colony ships? Were the "Chigs" really unprovoked in attacking us?

I particularly like the societal and moral problems posed with "In Vitroes" - these are humans not born, but grown and "born" at the age of 18. They face discrimination and lack the same sort of upbringings as normal humans, which presents some challenges.

The one area I can really complain about is in regards to the CGI, which is just awful. I can excuse it partly for being from 1995, but Babylon 5 used all CGI that actually looked good during the same period, and it was far from a big-budget show. A lot of the ships (like the Saratoga) lack detailed texturing, and everything seems to move in slow motion (missiles go 2mph). But, its a very minor complaint compared to the rest of the show.

It's slightly inferior to stargate at its best, but its also far superior to Stargate at it's worst (and lets face it, stargate was usually medicore). The characters seem to have more depth and humanity to them then a lot of the stargate characters do (per episode). So, I suppose my point in all of this is to reccomend it to scifi buffs like myself. Just don't expect another Battlestar Galactica, firefly or Babylon 5. It's not that good, but it is well above average! It only lasted for a single season, unfortunately.

To Arms Fair Duckey!

I post a lot partly because I have a lot of free time at work here in the library, so I end up writing random things for your amusement/annoyance. If you don't want to read crappy poetry, I suggest you stop reading now and return to your regularly scheduled whateverness. I found myself somehow writing a call to arms for myself that outlines the person I try to be, what I hold dear.

To Arms Fair Duckey!

Ride with bravery and courage, upon the power of your heart,
for it is that which will set you from all others apart,
Use its power to smite those who stand in the way,
For in some way some change, can you bring out today.
Be kind and noble, chivalrous yet strong,
and above all believe in love's power to carry you along,

To hatred or malice, give them no quarter
for love by itself shall be your greatest supporter.
Draw upon the feelings, music to your heart brings,
Let the clang of the Taiko's, the symphony of strings,
and the wail of the bagpipes, lead you on ahead,
To leave a better world ever in your stead.

Do not waver in your belief, in the purity of love,
hurt though you may be from those you belove,
Never abandon that which you know to be true,
and the final, true victory shall belong to you,
Fight till the end for what you know to be right,
and if you win or if you fail you shall have fought the good fight.

Ok, ok, perhaps reading those epic warcraft novels has combined with my romantic streak to bring this about. Still, I could do worse then write bad poetry I suppose - I could write a bad book! (What?! you mean I already am? Well then.....)

Chance and Choice

Watching an episode of Space: Above and Beyond (an excellent mid-90's sci-fi series I will doubtless talk about on here at some point), I was struck by how much our lives are ruled by chance when it gets right down to it. Two main characters are captured by AI's, who point out how much of human life falls right into random chance (the AI's are obsessed with the concept, but that's another story). I came across the same thing when writing in my novel - after all, it is random chance that causes one of the main characters to be central to the plot: The fact that he woke up that morning and decided to go to the market. Nothing more, nothing less. His own choices propell him from there.

I am a great example of this. Merely ten months ago I was quite different from who I am today. However, a small chance changed all of that.

Adam forgot that Daniel would be rooming in the language house, and so did not get another roommate in time. When picking roommates, we happened to say "why not?" when i could have picked another person I did not know. Because of that, my entire life was changed. From there on out, it wasn't chance, it was the kindness shown to me by all those who i now consider dear friends and my own willingness to break outside of my shell.

But what if we hadn't roomed together? The thought is quite chilling. I would probably not be sitting at an internship in the library, i would not have friends, I would be much more miserable (and my warcraft character would be wearing the best gear in the game), and even if i did get the internship at the library, I would be miserable working with people. Thanks to everyone, I now don't really stress about it, which is a HUGE change from just one year ago.

The ramifications of that little chance will be with me the rest of my life, and will echo throughout everything that I do. It's both astoundingly wonderful, and also quite frightening to think that chance controlled the initial contact.

Is it fate? Destiny? Random mathematics? I don't have an answer for those things. It can be frustrating sometimes. Sure, I'm working towards a career goal I suppose. I can try to be open to new people. Am I waiting for the hand of chance to meet my true love? On some level, as much as I can do to try to meet new people, and better myself (which im far from perfect at), it is in the hands of chance. Sure, where you go from the initial spark is your choice, and that is of course what really matters. But when it's the most important thing in your entire life, even that small bit of chance can be maddening and frustrating.

Or the time that giant cockroach flew past my head, helping contribute to my phobia of roaches and recurrent nightmares. Stupid roaches. Why are they so mean?? >=( <--(Angry Duckey)

Drunken guy at the library fun!

I always miss the fun stuff. Earlier we apparently had a drunken guy come in to the library and start playing guitar with the keyboard. Charles, our IT guy heroically leapt into action to save the keyboard, but unfortunately a good pair of headphones died (may they rest in peace). The police had to be called in and he was charged with Public Intoxication and led out in handcuffs.

Naturally, I was in the back sitting at my cubicle being bored. Ah well.

Narratives of Hope and Dispair, and understanding humanity

This is about depressing stories, the clearly different impacts they have on different people, and all of that. It's a long thing that will also (I hope) give you a much better understanding of who I am, which, I at least am ALWAYS seeking to learn from other people.

I wish i could talk to more people about the way they think and view the world, I gain so much from it. I would be beside myself with joy if we could sit down at dinner and talk about how we think. That won't really happen, but I can dream can't I? I can't even begin to scratch the surface here on how I think, but its a start i suppose. Anyway, on with the post!

I'm working on a book this summer. I'm 26,000 words in after 2 weeks, and I would like to keep going and finish at least the first "Book" (the story really takes 2 books worth of writing to tell). I doubt i'll get it done, but I can dream can't I? That's not what im really writing about here though.

I was telling my supervisor at the library that I was writing a "depressing book". It is very depressing and hopeless, and is extremely dark (at first Galactica is shiny-happy-fun-land). Now, the story ends on a note of intense hope, but that is not the point. She asked me, quite seriously "Why write a depressing story? Nobody wants to read something depressing!"

This made no sense to me. I sat there, somewhat dumbfounded. What do you mean, "Why are you writing it?" What do you mean, nobody wants to read something depressing? I thought about it, and I thought about it, and I thought some more. I recalled things in the past, conversations with people, and it really made me think about, well, how I think. It's so easy to unconsciously assume everyone is like you, and then be confused when they are different. We're all approaching life on different pages, oftentimes in different books entirely.

I'll start out by using my favorite topic, Battlestar Galactica, as an example. Blacklock asked me last semester what I thought the main "theme" of Battlestar Galactica is. Despite countless protests that you cannot devolve a show as complex as galactica into one theme, I finally settled on what was far and away the most blaring, obvious one to me. "Hope." I said. Blacklock said "Persistence (or preserverence), the idea being that no matter what happens, no matter living through the apocalypse, despite enduring things so horrible and powerful that they should cause a person to break, they stay strong. The characters falter and make mistakes, but they hold on to their humanity. They hold on to themselves, to what they believe in, even when it looks as though things can get no darker, as though there truly is no hope left. That is inspiring to me, and testament to the power of hope. If they had none, they would have started shooting themselves (Which *ahem* might happen to some).

He told this to Adam, who said something like (and do forgive me, i might be wrong on this) "What?! There's no hope in Galactica!" I wondered if we were even watching the same show, when Galactica is one of the most hopeful shows I've ever seen. If that makes no sense to you, let me explain.

For me its like this: The darker the tale, the more flawed the characters, the more dire the circumstances, the more powerful it is to me when they do manage to hold on to and uphold morals, or goodness, or whatever it is they are holding on to so dearly. It's probably why I love the darker trend Hollywood has taken so much.It's most interesting when you are a regular guy, without anything special other then yourself. Those are my favorite heroes. =) When all of civilization is collapsing around you, when you are simply struggling to survive, when you are at your lowest and you still hold on to that, then that is powerful to me. Not to mention the fact that I can relate more to the characters, and its more powerful to me if the flawed character makes it halfway then the hero who makes it all the way - the perfect hero dosen't have those stepping stones to overcome. After all, while we see heroes fighting villians, we don't see much of them fighting themselves, which is a shame. Thankfully, that seems to be starting to change somewhat in the media, which makes me happy.

I also like the dark trend because it hits me emotionally so much more. Two of the most powerful books I have ever read (and two of my favorites) are "All Quiet On the Western Front", which is a powerfully realistic tale of a German Soldier in WW1, and "Night" which is the story of a young Jewish boys ordeals in concentration cames. Neither is "Pleasant to read". Don't get me wrong - there are a lot of times when I want pleasant, when i dont want to get jabbed in the heart and when i want to see crap blow up, or just laugh or whatever. But most of the time, I like things that shake you. Things that after you read (or watch) them, you realize that they have changed something inside of you, that you will never be quite the same person again.
Most recently, Adam showed me Apocalypse Now. It wasn't pleasant to watch. But when it was done I was left speechless. I gained something from it I felt, some deeper understanding of who we are are people. And I suppose that's what I really look for out of movies, and books, and things like that. A better understanding of the creature that is man. A better understanding of love, a better understanding of our ability to act so barbarously. A better understanding of ourselves.

And space battles. I get like a little kid with space battles. (True story, I was really depressed the first friday of spring break. The semester was half over, blah blah. I watched Galactica, the one before the finale. I was still depressed when the trailer for the finale came up. Admiral Adama says "Galatica's seen a lot of history, been through a lot of battles. This will be her last." followed by a shot of about a thousand explosions in space. I jumped up and down in my chair like a giddy kid.) They also call this "Space Porn", and if it is space porn, i guess I'm addicted. Oh well, better space porn then the other type eh?

Caprica: The Soundtrack -and IM BEING EATEN BY SHARKS!!!

As you may or may not be aware, I don't actually need to eat food. I can subsist wholly on music by Bear McCreary, who is pretty much the coolest composer ever. I can respect your opinion if it is different then mine, however your opinion is wrong. Killzone 2 is the Best Ga- I mean Bear McCreary is the best composer ever. So, I was quite ecstatic today when I arrived home from a long, boring day at the UTSWMSADL(University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center at Dallas Library, or from now on, the UTSW Library). My package had arrived, and with the other big news in Duckeh-land for the day being that I found the food court at said tounge-twistingly long place, I was happy.

Even better, I got the thing signed by the man himself, Bear McCreary. So, because I'm the only big soundtrack fan I really know, I'm going to go a bit more in depth about it. What do you mean that logic doesn't make sense? MY LOGIC IS FLAWLESS *evilduckeydeathglare*.

The Caprica score is an intentionally different beast then McCreary's previous Galactica scores (yes, there's more music besides 'All Along the Watchtower'). Whereas Galactica makes liberal use of sweeping percussion, ethnic woodwinds that only 12 people in the world can play, and orchestra, Caprica is a more traditional score dominated by the Orchestra. For a show that lacks the space battles and epic punch, this is suiting. It's a more intimate, personal score, that outlines beautifully each of the two families (the Graystone's and Adama's), and each of the characters. It is not, however, completely disconnected from Galactica. In "The Adama Name", the familiar (to nerds like myself) father-son Adama theme that plays whenever Lee and his Father share a tender moment is played as Joseph Adama tells a young William of his true name and family.

I have a weakness for Action Scores, as much as I love the orchestra. Suprisingly, Caprica delivers on that note, though it won't be able to hold a candle to the Galactica: Season 4 sountrack that's coming. We hear the full pounding Taiko's as we watch the very first Cylon, and the percussion is used several times more as the tension builds. It's a wonderful soundtrack, though as I've said it won't be able to compare to the upcoming Season 4 soundtrack. This was an entire CD taken from a decent two hour pilot, instead of 21 hours of some of the most astounding, action packed and emotionally wrenching stuff ever to grace the television screen. But I haven't talked enough, so let me go into a track-by-track....

AHHHHH IM BEING EATEN BY A SHARK OH GOD HELP M- oh wait a minute, my legs are just sore from excercising yesterday. Sorry to raise the alarm. Anyway, that's probably my cue to stop and allow you to resume your normal lives.
- Be seeing you! (If anyone figures out where im getting the preceeding three words from I'll buy you a box of cookies. Seriously.)

It's A Blog!!! AHHHHH!!!!

AHHHHHHH SUMMER HAS MADE DUCKEY(aka Ryan) GO CRAZY AND MAKE A BLOG!!!!

Oh wait a minute, I'm Ryan. Oh dear, how embarassing..... well in any case here is a, erm, blog! If you actually care about anything I write about (Battlestar Galactica and Rubber Ducks, largely), then by all means read on! If I'm just talking to myself, then I suppose I'm going crazy. Well, more crazy then I was before, anyway.